Dating in the Time of Corona

In 2020, a new threat surfaces and hundreds of millions of single people around the world have to figure out how to date in the time of corona. Love guru and sex advice columnist Dan Savage, who once discouraged people from engaging in long drawn out text exchanges on Tinder or Bumble before that first date, now encourages his readers and listeners to court via text like World War II pen pals. Some recommend finding a corona buddy, someone you can trust to receive physical touch and emotional care. This may work for lifelong friends or close confidantes; however, this is far more complicated between two individuals who hardly know each other. Where the standard protocol in the past was to ask for STD test results and a glass of red wine to get into the mood, I am compelled to ask the most intimate of questions, such as, "Do you sing the ENTIRE birthday song while washing your hands?" And the sex? How do we even make that work when respiratory droplets naturally expel from our bodies, especially at the moment we peak together. Masked sex sounds like the most logical solution in this case. I guess it would be better than nothing, but 90% of what makes sex so pleasurable, and possibly worth dying for, is what happens behind that mask.